The realness of the real reality is setting in

Have you ever been hit by a wave in the ocean and it was much stronger than you anticipated? Did it knock you over time and time again ripping the breath from your lungs and disorienting you to a point of not knowing where the sky ended and the earth began? That is my life lately. Every time I think I have a grasp on what is going on, another wave comes along and drags me under the dark, stinging, salty water, setting in a fresh batch of panic and mayhem. I am not sure how much more emotion and life I have to give. They say God only gives you what you can handle. I am starting to think that some poor soul who needed something to believe in made all that up to make his day a little sunnier. There is one thing I know for sure though: No one can ever say that I don't have faith. I don't think I have ever prayed as much as I am right now. It is amazing how Satan will try to destroy every ounce of your being and shred any hope of God in your life and vocabulary, yet when things are at the darkest, I turn to Jesus. I know how corny that sounds, but it's the truth. I am not sure if this is right or wrong, but it is how I function. Everything is going along well, and I forget to give thanks, thinking God knows how good He is, then BAM! Something comes along and smacks you in the face. I fall to my knees, cry and beg and tell Him just how sorry I am for not talking to him like I should and I PROMISE to be a better person if He just shows up and helps me this one last time. I have a feeling I am not alone in this cycle. Just how far do you get? I mean, at what point does God just say enough is enough; that your chances were numbered and you exceeded that number 20 graces ago? I wish I could say that I don't think God runs out of patience or grace. I'd like to believe he has an unlimited supply, but through my all-too-human filter, I just don't understand how He can give and give and give. I guess we'll find out at the end.....